BRA STUFFIN HOOKERS

OOH LORD HELP ME HOOKER

Jesus christ... could this song be any more hookerific?  Sexy times and swoon times all the times.  2010 black and blues stars for you two.

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG HOOKERS

But JUST because you're all futbol...soccer...what-the-fuck-ever players, we're gonna give you a pass because Fancy Inc wants to be wrapped up in your legs.  Except not little short homie on the left... everyone knows how we feel about "shorts".

LEARN HOW TO FIND A STREET CORNER HOOKER

NO SALLY, LIKE THIS HOOKER

CANDY CROTCH HOOKER

A modern day jock strap... football players will be snapping these on each others' asses in no time.

CHRISTWIRE.ORG IS POINTIN OUT HOOKERS

Is it just me, or is their fancy raydar way WAY off?  We'd never be caught dead with that raggedy tragedy called an "outfit" on.  

LIKE ALL GOOD HOOKERS

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT HOOKERS

A fail of the most umppity ump degree.  

BABY GOT BACK SHELF HOOKER

A trick worthy of fanciness.  And 10 stars.  Cookie shaped stars she can decorate her butt crack with.

ADVERTISING HOOKERS

HALF A HEAD CORN ROWED HOOKER

You are still our favorite, you fucking weirdo gangster santa-dressin pervert.

AS HAPPY AS A CLAM HOOKER

My bday was amazers and I feel very fortunate these days...

Got my dream job...

Fancy drinking, shit talking, and laughing with the hoochie crew (we missed you Daria)...

AND FOUND OUT WHERE YUM YUM LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm gonna pitch a tent in his front yard so he can pitch his tent in mine. I haven't had a restraining order in forever.

Keep it fancy.

xo

Alyssa

THE FANCY HOOKER GOURMETS

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FUCK THESE HOOKERS

What do you get if N*Sync, the Jackson 5, a rollerskatin disco tranny, and a quilt lovin grandma spawned?

UNFANCYPANTS WHO JUST DANCE DANCE DANCE:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEE HOOKERS!

Easy gift ideas because I'm awesome, BUT YOU'RE AWESOMER CUZ YOU'RE BUYING.

 Cums first.

So you can show him that you care.  That you really really really care.  Through your shirt. 

Stitch n bitch yourself a crocheted STD!

Cooter cupcakes!  I want penis candles on mine please.  Are you taking notes?  Get a pen.

A tongue chair?  On second thought, leave this raggedy shit off your shopping list.

Timeless hooch with some Mexican gangbanger flair.

CRANK IT UP WHEN YOU SKANK IT UP!

*POW* *POW* *POW* *POW* 

(fancy fireworks, not to be confused with unfancy gun shots)

BEFORE & AFTER HOOKER

Before



After

SEX SHOOTIN HOOKER

THE NOT-SO-WEEKLY WHENEVER WE FUCKING GET TO IT TOP 5 HOOKER

In the world of fancy... and hookers, less is NEVER more.  

But Fancy Inc are busy ass bitches.  So we made it easy for us, I mean you.  We made it easy for YOU.  Here you go, you fucking A.D.D. perverts.  

          #4          #1        #3         #2         #5


And for the record, we aren't entirely sure what the fuck is happening with our #5 contestant... maybe she has her period or maybe she is dragon questing for halfway hookers, but wearing armor ain't right, it ain't ok, and most importantly it ain't fucking fancy.

STOP THE FANCY PRESSES!  
We just got confirmation that she's wearing a CHASTITY BELT!  THE FUCKING HORROR!  
I feel... nauseous.  Our sincerest fanciest apologies.


REVISED:  TOP 4 HOOKERS

          #4          #1        #3         #2         #5

TREE HUGGIN HIPPIE HOOKER

TOASTY HOOKER

BUFFET EATIN HOOKERS

20 tranny stars for use of the phrase "ladyboy"

DON'T EAT THE NUTS HOOKER

I REEEEEALLY WANT A DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER HOOKER