STUDYING FOR THE GRE HOOKER

Question 1:  UNFANCY IS TO FANCY AS:

A)

B)

C)

D)

E)
IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, GET OFF OUR BLOG.

MOVE OUT THE WAY, I GOTTA STRRRRRETCH IT OUT HOOKER

Isn't it time for MIA to rise up again?  We long for the obnoxious and elicit days 2 Live Luke's reign on all things booty.  I think the chicken wang is just what the gynecologist ordered... or the seizure havin epileptic.  Thanks to ATL Ali for this gem.

I WON'T WORK MY LOOKS NO MORE, EXCUSE MY BEAUTY HOOKER!

What he lacks in eyebrows is nothing a Staples of Sharpies (SOS) can't fix.  Steven gets our vote for Whack Ass Tranny Of The Year (WATOTY) award.

OH YOU FANCY HUH HOOKER?

Dear Drake,
Your music is bad enough (thanks to MJB and TI for saving your sad ass on this song), but WTFFF is up with your cuhrazy caterpillar eyebrows....?  They are scaring kids and eating puppies.  Stop it.

Love,
The Fanciest

THAT'S RIGHT HOOKER

HAPPY GLUTTONY AND OVER INDULGENCE DAY!  Because you know it's our favorite type of holiday.

OOOOH GIRL YOUR MOM IS IN THE CLUB HOOKER!

A good friend, Miss Ali (If You're Nasty) Sage, from the fancy hooker capitol (and capital) of the world, ATL, sent us this website and it deserved it's very own FH post.  It makes us proud that so many are this committed to keeping up the nation's favorite pastime.

*Disclaimer: the writing is no Michael K of dlisted fame, but fuck hilarious commentary right out the trainwreck window with photos like these.

With love and "oh no she din't" booty from the finest stripper clubs,
YOUR MOM IS CLUBBIN

DISGRUNTLED MINIMUM WAGE HOOKERS

PEARLS CAN REALLY CLASS UP A HOOKER

MOM, I'M NOT USUALLY A HOOKER

Freud just jumped up and twirled a "told ya so motherfuckers" jig (literally) all over heaven before high-fiving all other dead and wrong psychologists upside the back of their heads.  

HAPPY HALLOWEEN HOOKERS!

Making all your fancy gay wtf pissed off gay sexy unistallion gay nightmares come true.  

*Custom hoofs made by galloping centaurs; plastic ass chaps provided by Fredericks Of Hollywood; fluffy mane stolen off a 7/11 tranny; arm band and bows are model's own.

BAD ASS VINTAGE CIRCUS HOOKERS

RECEIPT HAVIN HOOKER

TAMPON PLAYIN HOOKERS

GET YOUR PEE SHIELD TODAY HOOKER

YOU'RE MOM MUST BE PROUD HOOKER

What in the damn hell is this?  Fancy it most definitely is not.  An eyeball gangbang rape it most definitely is.  Look honey, just because Buy Best had a going out of business sale and times are tough, doesn't mean you have to give up on clothes.  And who are you looking at?  My guess is the hot cabana boy who's praying she doesn't shit out a dvd player (a la Pete Burns) before his shift ends.  Lord knows nobody wants to see where she's hiding the popcorn either.
*cue the movie*
Now playing... The Notebook.

I'M A HO' OKER

CLASS IS IN AGAIN HOOKERS

Having a blog with the word "hooker" has really turned into something of a social experiment... yeah yeah we all know the world is obsessed with fucking, and all things sex blabbity blah from the endless material we find and get. But seeing the blog stats is really... interesting...? Terrifying? HILARIOUS! It's like peeping into someone's private world.... google voyerism! We see everything, so don't even try to negate this or I'll tramp stample you all to death.

Ya'll search for hooker in every way possible and unpossible... there's a lot of predictability and a lot of.... not.

--hookers "doinit"
--tranny hookers (zzzz)
--hookers cumming (double zzzzzz)
--street corner hookers (sleeping pills zzzzzz)
--hookers hookin (i'd be friends with this linguist)
--croutch hooker (wtf is this? like in a bush? or is there a Croutching Hooker, Hidden Dragon porn we don't know about?)
--hooker camping (shut the hooker up, they DO this??? i'll report back with my research)
--emergency hookers (wtf?? break in case of fire? it must squirt water out)
--garfield hooker (extremely popular)
and on and on...

Also - there is definitely weird shit going down in Pakistan.

The absurdity of life aside, this is by far the other best part of doing all this pointless bullshit. It's entertaining, and eye opening, as all get out... a lot like watching a hooker run around Sluts R Us in platform stilettos on a 60 second shopping spree fueled by a 4 day coke binge and stolen credit card. Welcome to Awesomeville, population: the. entire. world.

Well, class is dismissed dickheads.  And don't forget your art homework for next time.

YOU'RE A TRAMP, HOOKER

Tramp it up, tramp it away, tramp it forevs.  We love you long time Otis.

CHILD SERVICES CALLED, THEY WANT YOUR KIDS BACK HOOKER

THE FANCIEST IN ALL THE LAND OF HOOKERDOM

Fancy Inc's very own, Daria.  I believe this was her attempt at "bowling".  Zero stars for effort, but 200,000 for her shoes.

ENJOY THIS MOMENT, IT'LL BE THE LAST OF IT'S KIND FROM A CUTE HOOKER

Appropriate shirt, no?  His face gets 10 Super Mario stars and an extra Burger King crown after that one is "accidentally" thrown away by his mom.

LAZY INABILITALATIN TO MATCH YOUR DRAWERS HOOKERS

Ok so since we're already goin to hell, let's keep the inappropriate party goin.
These bitches.
If your negligent parents are too busy taking water hair mohawk pics to remember your Amazon family vacay by, and you die a tragic death when pirahnas eat you from your toes up, and the authorities find your dead bodies in unmatching bras and panties - or bikinis - as the case may be.  Don't ever say that Fancy Inc didn't warn you.  We are just here to provide help and direction.

THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE MARRIED A HOOKER

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID HOOKERS

CYCLING HOOKERS

BOOTY POPPIN HOOKERS!

Yeah so we've been MIA lately.  Sorry.  Between work, having adventures with my favorite human Julio, Daria doing....who the hell knows what, and having the internet always shut down because I can't pay the bill, it's been "hard" to make any "magic happen".  We will try to work on this.

 So for now, please enjoy my gift to everyone who's cell number I have.  Merry Xmas Birthday!

I FEEL NAUSEOUS HOOKER

YOU WILL NEVER HEAR THIS REQUEST HOOKER

FANCY, YET AWFUL, HOOKER

I'M NOT THAT HUNGRY HOOKER